The world

Truth is crazy

Crazy is truth

Life is sane

Sane is life

This things I have discovered in the world, people don’t want the truth, they want what is easy. They want what is seen as sane- thus life is the sane parts and the sane parts are life.

I am crazy because I am truthful to the extreme and therefore I am insane because I have no life in the eyes of most. Where did the world pick up this weirdness, for we all have our crazy times. Just some like me: a little more than others! 

My Story

   My past was difficult. I entered the Navy as an E3, and third generation to boot, it was my life to retire from the service. Then after “A” school, while on leave it happened. I flipped out. I asked for help from the military, and they deemed that all I wanted was to get out. That was untrue. I was left to my own devices and went down a bad path because of how I was treated. I ended up homeless for over two years, living in Norfolk VA, New Orleans LA, Warren OH, and Los Osos CA. I then tried getting sober at twenty two in Kent WA, for ten plus years I would accumulate one and half to two years while struggling what I found out to be Bipolar 2. Seven days after learning I was bipolar, I met my previous wife, after a doctor told me to get off my meds I tried taking my life, then three days later I awoke in hell 5150 in Los Angles Ca. My then wife gave me a plane ticket and told me to get out. Back to Kent I went separated from her for four years because she hated me that bad. All I did was listen to the doctor without tapering off my meds(didn’t know I needed to at the time). I then was forced onto social security and told I would never work again. I have been told I was below average intelligence in 2003, and again in 2011. I ended up dropping out of college in 2005. After a year of meeting my present wife I went into a agoraphobic for four years, giving up on life. I shot to three hundred ten pounds. My present wife ( girlfriend then) and I moved to Skagit county. Here is where life became life. 
     I had nothing to lose. Life was just not worth living. So I changed. I went to a place where I met this man who rubbed me the wrong way, and then saw him again, when I decided to go for a dream I have had since I was a child. He became my marital arts instructor and then my mentor, and finally the best man at my wedding, but that comes later. I started forcing myself to leave my house and go to martial arts, first taking the bus, then driving. My instructor got me taking him places due to the fact he was legally blind and couldn’t drive. I just took life in steps, the next step, class, and test, soon I was a red belt with a friend who went to classes all the time, we competed to see who would go to more classes, get there first, and leave latest. We never cared who was better, that didn’t matter. He ended not being able to continue after we entered the rank just one level till my dream of a black belt. I started teaching, and became interested in owning my own studio.

      I went back to school this time for Business Management, so I can run the business end.You should always be prepared to succeed and I certainly was not. I received my Black Belt June 23, 2014 and was awarded my ATA August 2014. Here is where it got good, some how I fell in love with school, I had a non transfer degree I was done right? No I was not. I was told about a program at Western Washington University, where I could transfer and achieve a Bachelor’s of Arts degree. I needed recommendations, and I had to interview to get in. I thought well that sucks, I could never do that. Well my wife said if they don’t let you in, don’t worry anymore about school, but you are going to put in 100 % into getting in. I did, though I blew off a scholarship for Phi Theta Kappa because I didn’t think it would happen. Well it did, I received my bachelor’s on June 10, 2017 and was accepted into a masters program on June 19, 2017.

     Now life isn’t perfect for me, I was suppose to test for my second degree black belt on October 2016, but my heart went bad. I was diagnosed with with C. H. F ( Congestive Heart Failure ). Well I am who I am, I am testing for my second degree black belt in October of this year. Am I ready? I don’t know, I do know this: January they said ( on my forty second birthday mind you) that I will need a heart transplant within two years. Ugh life’s over right? Heck no. I know someone will die either for me or I will, but that doesn’t mean I am done now. I just got done being in the top three for a job, no I didn’t get it, but I made it to the second interview, I am in a masters program, I help others, and I have people in my life who judge me, based on me, not on how I look, or my illnesses. I think outside the box, depression was an old friend I kick to the curb, and if I only have a year and a half—I will continue to follow the path that shows the most love. My name is Bruce Alan Weller Jr and I will never again hide what I have, for if you understand anything about us. We as a people with mental health issues, are smart, hard working, and work very hard on proving everyone wrong! I know I am not the only one to do it!

The Noise of the Now!

Today I find no love for life. I choose to find myself, and do what I have to. I NEVER TAP OUT. It isn’t a saying it is a life style! I went to cardiac rehap, went to psych appointment, and will go grocery shopping. Life isn’t over because I hate my life at this moment. Life isn’t fair, and it is not easy! It is just life! Live for the now, enjoy your moments. This has been the toughest year of my life! I am nothing but a fighter that lives for the now. The journey is the prize, will I continue to have this prize? Who cares! Enjoying the noise of the now! ✌🏻✌🏻✌🏻🥋🥋🎓🎓

Damn life is both a bitch and good.

     The truth of my life is I was given a time frame on its expiration, unless I get a transplant. The funny thing is I am not sick enough to be on the list. Here is my issue- shut your trap about the time frame. Damn sitting on the idea you are set to go by a certain date. Please -mess with people much? 

      Me I went back finished my BA, and enrolled in an MA program. Life is a journey I refuse to lose. Never Tap Out is who I am. Like me, hate me, means nothing to me. 

     The journey is the victory. The finish isn’t nothing but a place to begin the next journey. When someone tells you who you are, face them and say thanks, though how would you know? You fight my battles that go on in my head? No, then shut your damn mouth. I love people who have no clue as to what you face everyday, tell you how it’s going to get better, and to not worry! Bite me! My worse battle daily is getting up! 

✌🏻from your 🎓🥋

Days are hard, though the journey is grand

Today is another day I am watching as my world crashes around me, the rocks are falling, and falling hard is the where you learn how tough you can be. I know I am tough. I survived a lot in life. I truly don’t care about the finish. I am now working on my masters degree. There was a time I believed I wouldn’t make it through my aa degree. I just want to find a place to live, and a job.  Things are falling apart around me! 

6-5-2017 The Finish of Dream Two

     The focus of life is not the finish, it is the process unto which our life roles. The finish is always overwhelming, but the next indicated step never is. In life the finish will come, as always in the time it is supposed too. So why focus on the finish? 
     Enjoy the process and one day you will look back and say “damn I really did that!” Completing not one but two dreams in my life isn’t amazing, it was how it happened. It wasn’t without hardship, and disappointments along the way, shoot I found out I need a heart transplant. That doesn’t even suck. 
      The truth is people believe me about having that illness. It is better than say the other major illnesses that i suffer from, see physically I just figure can’t do anything but work around it. Mental illness, I was told that it doesn’t exist for so long, that it makes me anxious to even to mention it. In fact though I talk about it a lot, that is only to help others, not myself. 
     I have believed I am a faker and excuse maker. For that was what people said, too me the truth is my hardest journey in life isn’t completing these major things, but getting out of bed! In 5 days I will do something I NEVER even imagined seeing as I had a .9 GPA in the first two years of high school, and actually had too be a sophomore for a year and a half. I took night classes as a senior to graduate on time to go into a military that threw me out like garbage they thought I was. 
     So how did I change all this too accomplished what I have? I focus on leaving the house first! Than I make it to each class, each test that follows, work on each fear as it comes, and the finish where I look back and say DAMN! I never thing I will finish until two days or so after I do. I realized I wasn’t as dumb as the three doctors that said I was until midway into my senior year at WWU. It was then I realized I just didn’t think like everyone else, and that was ok. 
     People just don’t get that they scare me the most, oh you can hit me, but to break me all you have to do is use words. I can take a hit physically, it’s the pain of those people without a heart ❤️ that hurts me. See I have Bipolar ADHD, PTSD that comes from lack of understandingn, and abuse that I endured because of these illnesses. So what the hell can a little heart issue do to me? Oh I can die from it, but I am now treated like a human being. Oh and a little secret for you all- it too is an unseen illness.. SURPRISE people are hypocrites! 😂 
    Well I am just going to enjoy life and follow my next dream of becoming a Kyo Sa ( Martial Arts Instructor). Almost there. Dream three, will not be stopped just because I love too much and it my heart too big for my body! 💔😂 the journey made me powerful enough to walk through my difficulties not the finish. ✌️

Spring Poem

The first of spring, I am loaded on a high, given the idea that I can fly. 

I find a path that takes me away, towards a goal of justice that can not be swayed. 

The ride is rough and rigid yet, a seemingly crazy version of chance, comes forth a surprise of wisdom had. 

May the person find hope, or hell. 

Their faith is shaken upon a well, will he fall or will he swell. 

The truth be known he is here to vent, for lastly ain’t no one willing to be that spent. 
True that –by me the –junuk(previous poetry name)