I wrote this to my family, it speaks of my journey.

I truly never feel a part of anything. Family or otherwise, it is the fact I hate myself pretty hard. It is never the other, it is me. Upon earning my Cho Dan ( black belt) I tried to give it back. I never feel I earn things. Phi theta Kappa only gave me a position because of this or that. I got a 3.7 only because I took easy classes. I achieved ATA and four certificates only because I knew the loop holes. I am getting my bachelors degree because of luck, and manipulation. This is how I think. I was looking at Phoenix university’s MBA program. I am thinking well luck got me this far, I think I can’t do it. So I do what I always do. I just don’t think it though, I called and got information on it. I had two doctors tell me I am stupid, average at best, no chance at obtaining a degree for administration assistant, so I now will have one one running the whole business instead. Seems that was supposed to be harder. Must be luck. Believe me I am not joking. This is literally how I think and feel. I hurt my family, because of my illness. I have people harping on me for what is my illness. I don’t know if this will change ever. I just know I try and become better than I was yesterday. Thank you all for accepting me. I know how hard it is for people to like, and love a person with the issues I live with. How bad it is for my family, it is worst in my head. Love you all.

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