Life is desirable, even when one doesn’t believe he wants it.

I sit upon my bed, trying very hard to get up. I can’t feel my ability to do it. I am struggling mightily in the grips of my mental health. I believe no one cares, luckily in my case I am wrong. Though I will reach out when others are in need, I will never truly tell people the exact nature of my pain, I have been taught I should leave it alone in life. My inner pain will never be seen, even if I show you. For those like me are told we are nothing, we are told our pain is not real, suck it up kid, stop being a baby. I will let you know this, a tough SOB will cry, will become emotional, and above all I will tell you now that I feel my mental abilities are at a place, where I physically find myself very weak, is it just in my head. Of course it is. The head is where the physical is developed, dealt with and the head runs the body, how would you not think a depression can cause someone to become physically unable to get up? The tough ones like me. We get up anyways, we fight the paralysis of our bodies, we force ourselves to move. We don’t drink over it, we don’t cry over it, we damn well do it anyways. This is who I am. I never tap out. When it comes to my life. Those who love me, they don’t always get the struggle I have when dealing with my mental health. Man half of them don’t care. It is a disgrace to talk about the weak, well I am not talking about the weak. I am talking about the strong! Those with mental health issues, deal with physical aspects, dealt by our mental condition. To get up for me, literally is pain intensified. It is not made up, I am not faking. I hurt, I get up anyways. I do what is needed. I find hope when I can. I truly never, ever give in to my own thoughts of hell. For me what I think about myself, is none of my damn business, for you see, I was taught to hate me. How can I not? We don’t discuss our issues. Well damn it, if I don’t I die. It is that simple, I want to die right now. Will I, of course not. I will enjoy the pain, and anguish till it leaves, I will then get up, and be right again, it will pass. Even I get up and leave right now, you won’t know the pain in my heart, because I trust only a few. You want my truth? The truth of my pain? You can’t handle it. Unless you have walked in the shoes of those who suffer from the unseen, you truly can not know the hardship we go though, doing the simple things. I hope you never have to. No matter what you have to do, never quit on life. Focus on the best things in your life, and work around the pain.
Bruce- Kung Fu Panda. 

My father in-law, called me that as a 310 pound orange belt. I am now a 256 pound black belt. My biggest fight, and workout is not training in martial arts, it is getting up everyday, and working on being better than yesterday, and trying to make other people days better than my own. 

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