I struggle with having not one, but two diseases that tell me I am nothing.

The truth of my life is I have gone though more medical tests before 30, than most have through 50. The big one at 50, please I did a similar one every six months the other way, without help, where my wife could not stand it after the first time for every 6 months for  3 years. Thankfully I no longer need it to do it. See people don’t realize, I have physical issues as well. I am scared right now because I was back in ER for the fourth time, this time   I wa told I need an Echo Cardio Gram for my heart. Well ain’t that a bitch, seems at 41, I have another major test, I have lost The NAMI WA conferece, now I might have lost my second degree black belt test as well, how much, must a man lose, my sister took away my niece from me. She does not even grasp it. I believe in learning from my negatives. I did not find out until I was told by others. This is protection, it is hell. To understand that my diseases makes your own family scared of you, it makes you want to just say “tear in a bucket , fuck’it” but I am not that man, I will get up, i. Will fight, I will be hated, I will be loved, I will in the end be me..like me, hate me, care for me, or not, those who journey upon this world with me, will get my honestly. You will get the truth as I have lived  it, loved it, and understood it. 

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