Depression? Sadness? Life right now

When life seems like the world is just a hole that you can never climb out of, and you feel as I do, fight the inner you, for it will pass eventually. The journey is not finding the escape, the journey is helping others when you finally get through it. I might feel like my life has been shredded right now, but I understand the truth is not in the feelings, but in my actions to keep from doing, that which is in my head. People will always hate, but hate is not in all people. Peace to those who always struggle at the holidays. The ones like me, who truly hurt their family, because of an unseen, and un accepted medical illness. Sometimes I fully don’t believe in it, which has nearly costed me my life at least once. Life is truly a gift, I don’t feel like I deserve this gift 99% of the time. You think I brag? I don’t, I state facts, for talking good about me, is nearly impossible for me. I understand pain, I understand loving others, but I don’t understand loving myself. I feel I destroyed the people I love by existing. Bother them by calling, being the worse son, brother, husband, grandson, and nephew because I don’t get family. I get the idea of hurt and pain. Anger, and resentment. With my heart damaged, I sit and contemplate the lack of peace I give others. Dream on Brucie you have no soul to give. Selfishness is who you are. Or is it just the illness talking? Never Tap Out, for I tried the easy way out almost twenty years ago. Life got better, life got worse, and better again. Life is again at the worse, but knowing the cycle, it will get better. Until then I sit here in my struggles, believing no one cares. I realize this will be over, how long will my mind suffer this time? 

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