Seems I get to see a specialist who might be the one cutting me open, next week. Shit let’s just get it over with. I am hoping for pacemaker over heart transplant. If anyone is doing, or even thinking about doing meth- understand this DON’T- I am paying for that choice 22 years later. I did it for only 1 1/2 years- just to fit in. Now my heart does not fit in, K. I was a homeless drug addict, not proud of it. It is part of who I am now. These things will haunt you forever, As they have me. Life is about making people laugh, hoping they never see the pain, and destruction your life has wrought. Most know how successful I have been, how many truly know how much pain it took to get there? I have fun making people laugh but today isn’t one of those days. Live for each minute, you never know if one day you will be lucky enough to get to wait for either a pacemaker, or heart. or be dead. I got lucky. I had friends who did not get so lucky. PEACE and remember this–the choices made today will affect your tomorrows.