The object of who I am, is wanting to, yet never truly understanding friendships. I have always desire to belong in this world. I wanted to understand acceptance. Truth is I understand less and less, as I wait for my chest to heal, my body to give back a few things in life. The university refuses to be kind, even though I am facing a heart transplant. My health is not determined by just that which is physical. Can I just leave everyone alone. I will never belong, so I must accept my fate to not fully belong. Life is a movement of my soul to the most guarded places, finding the secret holes to hide. My life began in movement, and will end in movement. This freak of nature, is a man who will never understand why he is hated, why he remembers people, and they forget him. Though when they remember him, he forgets names. I always remember them, I know where and when I know them. I can be accepted and the sense of belonging just never is there. My demon is my savior, with it I found what I hate and what I like about myself. Dear mental health, where will you strike next.