I understand now that life, is always the process. The effects you make on other people will define you. I will never have children of my own, but I have affected children in my life. Not everyone is needed to be a parent, but everyone is needed to raise the children. Love is a gift in life, never underestimate your gifts! I have believe very poorly of myself over the years. The truth is I am not worry about getting a new heart, or not getting a new heart. Either way I will not be of the people that will have to grieve, I won’t be here to grieve. So this has taught me, no matter what I feel about myself doesn’t matter. The service of people is all I ever really wanted to do. I am starting my blog work here, where must one journey in life to find his placee among people? First they must reach the bottom to learn who they are, then make decisions at each Y in the road to become the person they are suppose to be. The decisions are either some would make for us, or by us,for each of us are different. Some choose to hide who they are. Some choose to fake like they trust you, when they truly don’t know how to trust anyone. Some are who they are, no matter what the situation is. I fall in the second of these categories. The desire to do what I thought others wanted me to do became my undoing, I ended up destroying myself. The rebuilding took years, so now after finding my cocktail for my mental health, finding the way to regulate that, finding sobriety from addiction that came through having mental health, and now I am battling a heart issue. The struggles will continue in my life until it is over, if it ends before 2019, so be it. If I receive a new heart, the struggles will still be there. We each have struggles, and personal failing, as well as victories that show what we learned, to pass on through others, as what to or not to do in life. I try to be of the type to learn from others as well as my own mistakes. Finding ones place is changing ones perception of life at times. My perception changes daily, I awake a new man, on a new journey each morning. I throw back certain chains as I make decisions in my life. Will I be changed by next post? Yes. Will either of us notice? Probably not. 

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