Life became real when my journey took me places, which were out of my comfort zone. Who truly wants things handed to them? If life was easy everyone could do it, is all I hear these days. Some people believe they understand me. Truth is how can they, when I don’t?
I don’t even know if I will be alive to see forty-five years old. I use to think I would not make it to my forties, now I as I hit them, I discover that I might not live to even the half way point. Well what is, will be, and who I am, is who I will always be.
Did I make a mark in this world? Nope. I wanted to, I just didn’t have time. I persevered through a lot in my life. I never quit, though I did take breaks where I spent time thinking I quit. I believed life was over more then once. I turned my life around on so many separate occasions that I don’t know who I was to start.
Life isn’t about becoming who you are, it is about finding who you will be. I have been dealt a hard hand, due to mental illness, and heart failure. Do I stop trying? Not on your life. I will work on me till people have to bury or burn me. The truth of me is, when you say I can’t, I look at you and go- REALLY? For three doctors told me can’t when it came to how far I could go in school, now other doctors are saying I can’t make it past a certain stage in life.
Trust me I will keep getting up in life and trying. I will fight to the bitter end. Truth is I am depressed right now, but I am fighting it. Nothing stops me, but me. It is very painful, but I have grown a custom to pain on a lot of levels in my life. Relish the pain, for me it means I am still alive and kicking.