4-5-2017 The word, and idea of “Can’t

     The truth of who I am has been decided by others saying “you can’t”, and what doctors told me I wasn’t able to.” In elementary school I was put in special ed, and I was told I could not read at the class level. They told me that it would take four years to get to level of the rest of my classmates. I find the best words to use on me is “you can’t” because when say things like that to me, and try to give me a limit I try to shut most people up. Every time someone comes and challenges me this happens;I not only achieve such goal, I destroy it. In the case of reading not only did it take exactly one and a half years to achieve that goal, but I started to excel at reading.

    I began to read all the time, to the point it became a problem for my parents, now how can reading become a problem for parents? One might ask. It became a problem because discipline became an issue for years, if I got in trouble, not being allowed to do anything but read, was ok with me. What parent would stop their kid from reading right? Truth is getting into trouble was more fun because of this. Reading was the only place I felt comfortable and it still is the only place I feel like being me. I have discovered myself by way of books to the point that I have a personal record of thirty books in thirty days, might not be a big deal here, or to no one else other than myself. Truth be told to this day people do not see me in this way. I know this because people believe I am an extrovert, and I truly am scared of people. I will put myself out there not because I want, it is because I need to.

     Further along in my life I would struggle through high school, and find myself in a very bad state, the truth of that was not only did they not tell me I couldn’t, they just didn’t care, so I why should I care. I actually was in my second sophomore year when someone finally told me I “couldn’t” graduate on time with my class. Looking back I should say “thank you” to those people now, I not only graduated on time, I lettered in a sport, and achieved a 2.0 overall grade point average.

     I love it when people say I can’t do it, moving on to my twenties, doctors were still expressing feelings I “couldn’t” do things, to the point that I started to believe this time and I ended up dropping out of college then, but I had a GPA of 2.6. The only reason I dropped, I couldn’t get what these doctors kept saying out of my head, I mean what was wrong with me? That doctors have to make sure I knew I was not capable of doing anything in life. I understand maybe telling someone they fit one job or another, but expressing the idea I was below average in intelligence and could never function in a college environment. I held on to this for ten long and hard years, until I realized that this was just another way to say that I could not do something.

      In my thirties I decided that I would go back to school, and do what they said I “couldn’t” do, and not only did I come back, I excelled at it beyond my expectations. I achieved a 3.7 GPA and requests to apply at Columbia, Louisiana State, Gonzaga, and Kentucky Universities, to name just a few. I was an officer in a group under the umbrella of Phi Theta Kappa at Skagit College. I received my AA, and four certificates. The truth is you would think that people saying “I can’t” do things would end, right? No it still goes on at Western Washington University, for me. I have been told I will struggle with intense writing several times. The problem is not my able to write, I write with an ease that is second nature. My ability to edit now that is my true problem, so for me that is not sound yet, but that comes with practice, and I practice daily.

     I might not make it through the one who has told me that I would not fit his classes on more then one occasion, but I must thank the one who has in their own way said I “can’t”. I have achieved my dreams, and am very close to achieving dreams two and three. I find that my favorite word is “can’t” for me.

     I have taken a three hundred level science class, and here was the problem, before that the last science class was junior high, I still made it, I still stayed a float, and I still passed. I might not be the perfect student, but I work hard, I enjoy school, and I never give up. I might break for a minute, but the word “can’t” is a motivator not a deterrent for me. I have lived with people believing that “I can’t”. I believe this is a way to say “Get out of my, and see what I am capable of!”.

      I learn, I teach, I am, and I know that I have limits. I just have not reached them yet. I teach martial arts, I started at thirty six, I was told “can’t” is not a word that should ever be used on anyone young, or old, in my case go ahead and use it, for it gives me the insight, that you do not know who you are dealing with. I have stepped out of the shadows of life based on that one word, and I will continue to live though other people’s idea that I “I can’t”.

One thought on “4-5-2017 The word, and idea of “Can’t

  1. I love this. Some of these things are true for me. Tell me I can’t and I say watch me. And I read voraciously because it was an escape from a brutal home. I escaped in to books. I too have read thirty or more books in a month. Thanks.

    Like

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