As I sit here at night realizing how much my life has changed, I realize that no matter what, I love who I am. Changing medication is never easy, nor is it a wonder fix.
I truly understand that meds alone will never be a fix, and it should never be thought of as such, it is part of life for someone like me, yes. In the end we must realize that it takes much more than that to accomplish the transition into a real life.
My life has changed, not due entirely to medication alone, but in large part to wanting to better myself daily. I truly just want to be better than I was yesterday. I can not do this alone, for it takes a village to raise a child, and three or four villages to raise a person with mental health.
I am weeks away from graduating, it will end my schooling. This makes me very sad, and yet very excited! I plan to fight to strike out and discover where I was meant to be. I finally got a straight answer. I got the answer I wanted, a number so I can start to began to work towards my dreams again!
I am going to work on this again. I feel like no one, and yet everyone is on my side. This is what I do, I go from on side to the other trying to work things out. Always focusing on the next indicated step.
I just focus on what is next, of Course until I get to this point, the point I am weeks away! This is where I find my anxiety is kinda maxed out, and with my heart condition, it feels very stressful, but always doable for me. There will always be time to reflect on how much we determined we did wrong, when it is over.
The point of life for me is to finish what we started now, and worry about the other stuff later. Life is not easy, it is life. I have been writing, but lately it has been for school, I love to write, I seem to find that editing has taken a lot of time from just writing what is in my head, and bring out what I love.
Writing is the easy part, going over what you write, and correcting it without letting others correct it, now that is the hard part! I know what I want to say, so I read it as if it is there, and that you will read it as I thought, but that is not how life works. We each have different journeys, lives, and brains why would we think the same? We would not! One must be diligent in how they work out these problems. I say “ugh!”, but I find it improves what I want to express when I must do it!