4-20-2017 Suicide Survivor

      Why Eighteen years ago took me on a roller coast that gave me a fearful to fearless attitude. So this journey started when a doctor told  me to stop taking my meds and then wham MY NOW X-WIFE THROWS ME OUT! So I began a serious desire to live in fear that lead to agoraphobia, and now to a fearless, ok a person who walks through his fears type of person soon to be a bachelor degree wielding individual, with a black belt. I am a suicide survivor. 

      Well am a glad I failed? HELL YES! Will I ever try it again? I hope not, I work very hard about being open, because of it! People might hate that I am so open about mental health. Well there is a reason for it! I talk a lot, and there’s a reason for that too. You must realize this, I hate talking about certain things, but it is why I do it, the nervousness and excited speech happens, which leads most people to not want to talk to me. Well until my heart gave out. With that destroying my financial life I am still quite happier.

     I now have the best person in my life now! My wife Miranda she never gave me issues on my mental health, she supports me! And her mother Linda, they both will listen to me venting, knowing I just need to vent, but both know I need to let it go. They understand it isn’t so much of what I talk about, it’s that I need to release the valve and I just don’t trust anyone anymore.I will talk about most things, what you don’t know is I might talk to you, but I feel like I invade most people now, I don’t want attention, I don’t truly care if you go. 

     I will move on for I WILL NEVER GET TO THAT POINT AGAIN, IF I CAN HELP IT! Waking up like I did, and where I did and how I was treated afterwards. These are the things I would NEVER ASK THAT OF MY WORST ENEMY! No one treated me like that when I nearly died from my heart!! And I was not as close to death as with the suicide.

     I Wonder why that is! Today I am happy, I get up, and enjoy my wife, my dog, and my family, I have gone on to reach for the stars. I am a survivor! I fight through my fears! I am no longer that bastard who tried to end it! 

     I am the one who try’s to educate people that sometimes it is an an unseen illness! No one seems to care about! If your a cancer or heart failure survivor as well they say well that is more physical so it is different! I have had 3 near death experiences and my heart happened earlier then it should have happened, this ALL happened because of mental health issues I deal with! 

     Thank you all- everyone might not have a choice in life, but we all can choose to try in our given situations to be best of ourselves, no matter what. I could hang on to my past as what defines who I am today, and help others that suffer, or I could hang on to the past, living there forever. I try everyday to not regret my past, but to put the experiences to good use, fight the times my issues bring it back to fore front! I might not be much to most, but I am all I have to me. I am guy trying to do his best to live for a better tomorrow. Peace

2 thoughts on “4-20-2017 Suicide Survivor”

  1. I love that you are open about it. It is a reality that many live with or have lived with. Your openness may help someone else.


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