I am a fighter are you?

Life is a journey that has led me down a steep and crazy path. I have not written for a while, due to the fact that my heart started to get better, that better is 27% means that i was sleeping and working, and that was all i was doing in the last few months.

Yes after fifteen long and trying years on social security for mental illness, i went back to work for over three months. It might not seem like much, but if my heart wasn’t damaged i would still be working. Which to me, is a clear cut win and victory for my fight with mental health issues.

See my ICD went off three times one after the other in a matter of six to ten minutes. It had gone of previously two other times in two different months, and they were months apart. So after it went off twice in six month, it went off three times in less than ten minutes. This was scary, and my wife asked me to quit my job.

It was difficult because i found a job that fit me. I helped people with disabilities like myself. Now unemployed again, and trying not to whine. I was so close this time. My world was coming together finally. The three shocks really scared me as well, i thought that the 911 call, due to the fact i was standing through shock one and two, and dropped for the third one on purpose, due to the fact that the shocks were not stopping, was going to be the call for them to pick up my body.

Living with mental health is bad enough, adding this physical issue, now that’s what makes my life crazy! The idea that i have five unseen issues; really and truly sucks. Though the world only truly acts like it cares about the one issue.

They said i couldn’t read, so i ended up reading for fun, they said i was two stupid to to make through college, so i got my bachelor’s degree,they said i was going to die in two years unless i got a heart transplant, so i went back to work and got better.

I am still fighting, and i will win the overall war, because i do what they say i can’t. I have lost the little battles. I will continue to lose some battles, but the war is won, because i choose to fight in it. I get up each day and i fight. The hardest thing i do these days is get out of bed. You know after three shocks and two more days in the hospital, they still had to convince me to stop working.

I am a fighter are you?

Damn ICD

     Lovely day in the neighborhood ‘pop’ goes the weasel – nah just my ICD.

     I guess it is good I am not testing for my second degree black belt this weekend. I now understand why I despise being different, ‘special’, or otherwise outside the social norm. 

      See they say my ICD is going off because i have this double receptor in my heart that is in only a few people 1-10 or some shit. They are going in to burn it out or some crap. Well my ICD has led me to love to feel the blast of the electricity- NOT! 

I was suppose to test this weekend, but last week- doctor pulled my note that I could. Pissed off I am. I was schedule to test last year when this shit started! 

So —How’s your morning?